An Egyptian man is walking through the Cairo bazaar, when a stranger
comes up
to him and offers to sell Viagra (illegal in Egypt) for 100 Egyptian
pounds.
“No, not worth it!”
“OK, how about 50 Egyptian pounds?”
“No, not worth it!”
“OK, 20?”
“No, not worth it!”
“How about 10?”
“No, not worth it!”
“Listen, these pills cost US $10 each. How can you say they are not
worth
it?”
“Oh, the pills ARE worth it. My wife is not worth it.”
Morris was in his usual place in the morning sitting at the table,
reading the
paper after breakfast. He came across an article about a beautiful
actress that
was about to marry a football player who was known primarily for his
lack of IQ
and common knowledge.
He turned to his wife Sherry, with a look of question on his
face. “I’ll never
understand why the biggest schmucks get the most attractive wives.”
His wife replies, “Why thank you, dear!”
The trouble with being the best man at a wedding is that you never
get to
prove it.
I am not the boss of my house. I don’t know when I lost it. I don’t
know if I
ever had it. But I have seen the boss’s job and I do not want it.
Husband and wife were sitting at the breakfast table and the man was
reading
the ads in the paper. He looked up and said, “Here is a great sale on
tires!”
His wife replied, “What do you want tires for? You don’t have a car.”
He says, “I don’t complain when you go out and buy a new bra, do I?”
Well there was this couple who had been married for 50 years. They
were
sitting at the breakfast table that morning and the old gentleman
said to his
wife, “Just think honey, we’ve been married for 50 years.”
“Yeah,” she replied, “Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting
here at this
breakfast table together.”
“I know,” the old man said. “We were probably sitting here as naked
as
jaybirds fifty years ago.”
“Well,” Granny snickered,?What do you say…Should we?” Whereupon the
two
stripped to the buff and sat down at the table.
“You know honey,” the little old lady breathlessly replied, “My
nipples are as
hot for you as they were fifty years ago.”
“I wouldn’t be surprised,” replied Gramps, “One’s in your coffee and
the other
one’s in your oatmeal.”
A woman was complaining to her neighbor that she suspected her
husband was
cheating on her because he always came home at extremely late hours.
The neighbor said, “Dear, try what I did. One night, when my husband
came home
at 3 a.m. I called out, ‘Is that you Jeffrey?’ He never came home
late again.
“That’s ridiculous! Just calling his name made him stop?” replied the
neighbor
with disbelief.
“You don’t understand.?replied the lady, “My husband’s name is
Thomas.”
Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man’s
genitals
through his wallet.
At about 3am, i was drunk as a skunk. i came home just in time to
hear the
cuckoo clock cuckoo three times. quickly coming up with a plan, i
cuckooed nine
more times, hoping my wife would think it was midnight. i was very
proud of
myself.
the next day, my wife asked what time i got home, and i
replied, “midnight,
just like i said.”
she said that was good, and for some reason she said we needed a new
cuckoo
clock. when i asked why, she answered, “last night when it cuckooed
midnight, it
cuckooed three times, said ’s***!,’ cuckooed four more times, farted,
cuckooed
three times, cleared its throat, cuckooed two more times and then
started
giggling.”
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